Faith

Giving the Bread of Life

May the worlds of my mouth and the meditations of all our heart be acceptable unto your sight, Oh Lord- my strength and my redeemer.

My grandmother is dying. Now I say this- and I know that there will be some expression of sorrow and what not but she’s 99 years old. She’s lived a really good life and she’s being allowed to die with dignity- to go out with grace and on her terms in a peaceful manner with Hospice by her side.

Now, I say all this and I talk about it because as we are starting to plan her funeral, my mother had always told me her funeral is already planned. Everything’s fine- we’re good.

Last week- when I’ve already made it to Atlanta to my office- my mom called me up about noon and said Hospice says that she’s starting the dying process. So I of course go to my boss and I ask if I can leave. I was allowed to do so and then I haul behind back to Macon.

And I’m the kind of person who goes “OK it’s coming. Let’s make sure we got our ducks in a row. What do we have to do?” My mom goes well, you know if the reception will probably be at your house and I’m like OK great you know the house is not in proper condition so let me go ahead and get somebody over here to clean it. Let me start working on a menu for caterers in that type of thing. Good. Getting ahead of this. I turn to my mom as I’m taking notes and say “you said the funeral was already planned mom what do we have?”

We have two hymns.

I don’t know about y’all or how long it’s been you’ve been to a funeral but you need more than two hymns. That’s what we had.

I don’t really know why my mom said oh the funeral is planned. And the wild thing to me is, the same thing happened when my grandfather was dying. I’m eight months pregnant with Lily Kate, Bishop is just over a year old, and we’re all in the living room when I ask my grandmother how much of the funeral is planned.

Needless to say- very little had been done and I tell my grandmother “hey- Hospice says he’s going. He’s such a prankster he’s going to up and die just because you haven’t done anything.”

Two hours later, he went. And I promise you he was laughing the entire way.

So we have a family history of Poor Funeral Planning in the past and it’s apparently happening again. Awesome. So I go “OK- what kind of readings do you think she wants?” Going to the prayer book because I’ve been texting with Father Ben and he tells me there’s a section of the prayer book with recommended readings. I’m going over them with my mom and going hey which ones do you think Memaw would want and my mom goes “well…. I don’t know you if you know but she wasn’t really into this whole idea of God being like the end all be all.”

I don’t know if you guys have seen the recommended readings for a funeral, but they all pretty much talk about heaven and God being the end all be all.

So I call Father Ben and I go ok what kind of reading can I use for a funeral if somebody didn’t necessarily believe that God was the be all end all, but was spiritual. He got me through that so through this process, we get some readings that my mom and I agree upon, we figure out the Eucharistic prayer. So we now have four hymns, Three readings, Eucharistic prayer C- all right we pretty much we pretty much have got it.

I emailed it to Father Bryan with St Pauls in Macon and go here you go great funeral is pretty much done.

In doing all this, I learned something in all that I didn’t know, that my grandmother was more spiritual than religious. I had the suspicion at least that for us growing up church was really more about being social if I’m honest, it was more about showing up and being seen. My mother really left the spiritual upbringing honestly to our minister and I mean, I learned a lot of the time, but I’m not sure I really fully digested it.

Honestly, the only religious upbringing I got in my house was the argument between my parents about the 1928 prayer book in the 1979 prayer books and how my father was looking and I was baptized Anglican but my mom secretly moved my dad‘s letter back to St Pauls. I don’t know when but he’s been a member of St Pauls for about probably 20 years and has no idea.

So the religious upbringing in my house was kind of different. I was not necessarily taught how to pray like how Luke talks about here in our reading.

And this Gospel- there’s so many gems here. We’re taught exactly how to pray- “give us each day our daily bread”. Further- “And he said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; 6for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.”

“I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs. 9“So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” Which also we get our lovely hymn “seek ye first the kingdom of God”- a hymn that is precious to me. We sang it during the communion hymn at St. Paul’s on the day our rector there was unexpectedly called to leave. Whenever I hear it, I cry. Especially the end- alleluia, alleluia .. in rounds.

And the reading closes with: “Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? 12Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? 13If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!””

And see here’s what I get from these readings. This is the nice thing I guess about essentially teaching myself over the past several years about what are my own beliefs about God in prayer I don’t have any deconstruction to have to do and go and figure out what my own beliefs were because I know my parents didn’t necessarily hammer anything home.

I didn’t come up in a house where I was taught anything specifically about what you know God meant, and that type of thing it was it was pretty well left up to us to kind of figure out on our own and I don’t know that I really thought about it a whole whole lot beyond God loves everybody, but I have here lately and reading over this- This One- this one part and with everything going on in the world and then here’s what we come to the part that you guys probably expect because of course, as you know, I have to use. I have to use our readings our Bible to help me make sense out of all the crazy that happens in our world. Here’s where I get to Gaza where I get to the children that died in Texas, the children that were abused in Alabama, the children who are starving all around the world.

More and more I think what we are called to do is to do whatever and everything that we can with the gifts that we have.

One of the first times I heard Bishop Wright speak he said that truly believing in Jesus will mess you up.

The same God that calls on me to love my neighbor who doesn’t vote like me also calls me to live out my Baptismal Covenant.

I look at my children and I think of the mothers in Gaza, the ones who sent their kids to camp in Texas. What would I do if flood waters had swept my children away? What would I do if a power beyond my control shot me down as I tried to feed him.

You see- I think God calls on us to do everything we can to love each other. Are we really loving our neighbors here?

Luke tells us how to pray. Prayer is more than just words. Jesus makes things simple for us in this Gospel.

I think of the mothers holding their babies. I hold mine, I feel his weight, how he’s growing. I think of them- the instinct and the need to protect them literally shrinking away as they feel their bones coming through their skin. Dying in their arms. Much as my grandmother looks now, dying, literally shrinking away in front of us, dying slowly – but dying with help and Hospice and dignity.

Rev. Elizabeth Riley, who went to seminary with Father Ben, has this fabulous book called Rage Prayers…. And she says at the end of the forward you can yell at God. Say something true. God can handle it.

We are called upon in our Baptismal Covenant- to seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving our neighbors as ourselves. To care for people. To do for the least among us. And maybe prayer is all we’ve got but it’s not nothing- at least, until we can figure out more.

I think about my children. How I carried them in my womb, how I have held them in my arms. How I have been able to feel them grow. How other mothers had theirs swept from them. How other mothers literally feel their children shrinking in their arms- from lack of bread. From lack of their neighbors being willing to give it to them. Gaza, Alabama, Texas, Sudan- they’re all our children.

“Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find- Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; 6for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.”

Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself?

I will, with God’s help.

Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?

I will, with God’s help.

Amen.